Poor Kaoru
by RockerGirl0709
Summary: Something very weird is happening to Kaoru, and it's all thanks to a special test he took. Please read and review at the end. BEWARE OF YAOI!


Disclaimer: One day I was bored, so…this is what came to my mind. I do not own Ouran Host Club! **BEWARE OF SOME YAOI!!! **

**Chapter 1**

"Oh…my…god!"

It was the middle of summer at the Hitachiin residence, and Kaoru was bent over the bathroom sink – holding a small device.

"HIKARU!!!"

At the sound of his twin brother's distressed voice, Hikaru came running into the large bathroom.

"What is it? Are you okay?"

"Oh no Hikaru, I'm way beyond okay…"

"Oh, glad you're in a good mood then," Hikaru said with a smile on his face.

"Can you explain to me what _this _is?!"

Kaoru held the small mechanism in his brother's face. Hikaru leaned forward to get a closer look at it.

"A stick?" he said, raising an eyebrow in confusion.

"No…you freakin'…idiot!"

"Okay then, all I see is a smiley face on this stick."

"What?!"

"There's a smiley face on the stick. So you _must _be in a good mood."

Kaoru looked at the stick, sighed, and flipped it upside down – showing a blue streak. "Now do you know what this is?"

"OH MY GOD, KAORU!!!"

"Yeah, I know!"

"You have a cold?!"

Kaoru froze, and got even more frustrated with his brother.

"Okay, since you have no idea…I'll just have to tell you…"

"Oooh, I love stories!" Hikaru said, sitting on the bathtub – acting like a child.

Kaoru let out a sigh, and spoke through his gritted teeth. "I…am…_**pregnant**_!"

"Ohhhhh….That was a _great _story, Koaru!" Hikaru said clapping.

"You freakin' idiot! This is something that you shouldn't take so easily!"

Hikaru looked at his brother in confusion.

"You don't even remember do you?!"

"Nope! Not one bit!"

Kaoru let out yet another sigh. "You led me into your room last night, locked the door, turned the lights off, stripped me of my clothes as you did to yourself, laid ourselves on your bed…do I _dare _go on?!"

Hikaru sat there staring at his brother in thought…then his jaw dropped and his eyes went big.

"OH MY GOD! You're pregnant!!!"

Kaoru took in a deep breath and let it out, getting aggravated that it took his brother so long to figure out what he was talking about.

"But…how?"

"Oh, I don't know…how about _explaining it to me_!"

Hikaru sat there staring at his brother again – obviously a sign that he wasn't paying attention.

"Alright, no need for your explanations! I'm going to talk to mom and dad about this…"

Hikaru got up off of the tub, and grabbed his brother's hand. "No Kaoru, you mustn't!"

"Why not?"

"Do you really want to expose our child to parents that know nothing about our close relationship?"

Kaoru sneered. "We don't even _have _a close relationship! Whatever we do in the Host Club is all _pretend_!"

Hikaru sniffed. "But…but…I thought we _had _something Kaoru. Are you just going to throw all of that away?!"

"Hmmm…let me think about it-YES!"

Hikaru let out a whimper, and Kaoru sighed – trying his best to resist his brother's puppy dog eyes. But, as usual, he couldn't.

"Alright! I won't tell mom and dad. But, when we have this kid, we're gonna have to put it up for adoption. We can't handle all of this work when we have school to go to. Plus, it would all just seem weird."

Hikaru thought about it for a minute, then nodded. "Okay, deal!"

He grabbed his brother's hand, and shook it – closing the deal.

"Now let's get downstairs and eat breakfast. Mom's making her famous chocolate-blueberry pancakes."

Kaoru laughed, looked at his stomach, and headed after his brother.

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It's the beginning of the next school year, and the hosts of the Host Club were meeting in Music Room 3. Only one problem – not everyone showed up.

"Hey Hikaru?" Tamaki asked, looking over at the twin. "Where's Kaoru?"

The other members looked over to the other end of the table to look at Hikaru – who was sitting in his own chair, biting his lips nervously.

"Um, he had to call in sick today."

"Hmmm, that's odd. Cause he hasn't been here for the past beginning days of school."

Hikaru started sweating.

"Well, uh, you see, he has this kind of…_disease_?"

"Oh my! What kind of disease has Kao-chan have?" Honey asked.

"A disease of having a child when you're a guy!" Hikaru said to himself.

"What was that?" everyone asked.

"Oh, nothing! I was just saying that I wasn't sure what the disease was. But, I'm pretty sure that sooner or later it'll go away."

"Well, that's good to hear. We don't want to lose our brotherly love package," Tamaki said, putting his hands behind his head.

_Yeah, it is brotherly love! _Hikaru thought, smiling.

Then he looked back to the other hosts, and continued their conversations about future club events.

******************************************************************************

"Hey Kaoru, you here?" Hikaru said, stepping through the house door.

"Yeah," Kaoru answered, "I'm in the kitchen."

As Hikaru walked through the living area, towards the kitchen, he heard a lot of clattering and banging.

"Kaoru, what is going –"

When Hikaru walked into the kitchen, he saw a mess. Dishes were all over the counters, different foods were out, and milk cartons were all empty.

"Kaoru, what happened in here?"

Kaoru looked up at his brother from the pots and pans cupboard, and smiled.

"Oh Hikaru, you're came back just in time to try a new recipe of mine. It has _everything _you like in it."

"Oh great, what would the ingredients be?"

"Chicken noodle soup, frosting, graham crackers, marshmallows, eggs, bacon, bread, apples, ice cream, strawberries, and a lot of other things," Kaoru smiled.

Hikaru's upper lip twitched. "Um Kaoru, what is it that you are making?"

"Monstrosity!" Kaoru said, with a smile on his face.

"I'll say!"

"But, I know you're such a great husband, so I know that you'll stay for dinner with me – right?!"

"Uh, are you feeling alright?"

"Oh, I feel _peachy_!" Kaoru said, through gritted teeth.

"Are you sure? 'Cause I can take you to a doctor if you want."

Kaoru rested his hand on his brother's. "Now, now Hikaru. If you took me to the doctor, wouldn't you think that they'd get suspicious about a boy like me getting pregnant? We don't want to have them go through such nonsense."

"But, they won't _have _to know that you're pregnant. We'll just keep that a secret and we'll just let them know that you've been acting weird. Plus, you don't even have that big of a stomach to have them know yet. So it'd be practically _impossible_ for them to notice."

"Hmmm, maybe, I don't know. But I'll be keeping my eyes on you Hikaru. Just you wait and see!" He smiled at his brother one last time, and then turned back to his Monstrosity.

Hikaru turned around, sighed, and walked away.

This was going to be a very long and creepy relationship.

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I hope you all liked chapter one. I know I had fun writing it. It's absolutely funny. I'll be waiting to see who all enjoys this story. And the only way I'll be able to do that is by reviews. So please review! I love reviews!


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